It has been well over a week since the birth and death of my beautiful granddaughter, Destanie Nicole Smith; born, August 18, 2006 – passed, August 21, 2006.

We are still in stages of morning and to be honest I have no idea what stage I am in or of my daughter. We seem to take one day at a time and at times I feel she is handling things better than I.

However, during the sadness in our lives I have come to realize you never know when you are born or for that matter when you will pass on to be with our Lord and Savior. The only thing I keep thinking: Lillie and Destanie are with Momma Wray, Papa, Granny and Grandpa Stanley. They have two beautiful great granddaughters they are playing with and I can see things in dreams.

I dreamed the other night Papa had both girls on his feet riding them like we use to when he came home from work. I saw a tall, slender man holding both girls walking down the street with red hair. I know they are happy and I just pray they know how much they are truly missed.

When you look at your child you never expect to see them go through hardships do you? When I look my daughter in the eyes today, I see so much sadness and pain; that I cannot take away. Who hurts more? The pain we can’t take or the pain she is in? There’s no correct answer there is only just.

We can ask ourselves all day, why? There are no answers. We look around and people go about there day as if not missing a beat. We sit and cry, hold each other and ask why?

Why can a drug addict have kids? Why can a woman who drowns her own kids be granted a child, let along 5? Why are there women having abortions because they don’t WANT one? Why are there kids who are being abused because the parent does not want them in interfere with their love life? Why God Why? My daughter wants one child to love, hold and cherish. But the drug addict down the street just gave birth to a little girl and took her home. Why the child is left in a bed, whose bed we don’t know, why Mom is out smoking meth. Does she know where he child is?

Is there anyone out there who can answer these damn questions? Go home people and look at your child or children. Thank GOD for them, praise him because you are special to have them. Punish them when needed, love them all the time, but cherish every waking moment they are with you.