Update on my daughter - Nicole

I have started this sentence 6 times and still can't come to write this blog. Why is that? You have so much going on and you can't begin to fathom what has taken place in your heart, mind and soul.

On Friday, I received a phone call from my daughter Nicole'; she had lost her mucus plug. Her neighbor was in the drive way waiting to take her to Southcrest and I would meet her there. She wasn't hurting, just a little nervous and I reassured her everything would be ok. I would be there when she arrived. After a LONG 45 minute wait she finally appeared. It seems a SUV had rolled on on the Broken Arrow Expressway and they were behind the wreck. Of course, her cell phone was at home, (now why have a cell phone if you don not keep it with you?)

After the usual check in we were escorted to a room and waited for the Dr. Because of her trouble pregnancy, Dr. Larsen wanted to be very gentle.

Nicole was lying there staring at the wall and making some painful expressions, I watched closely as Dr. Larsan did a swab swipe and gently check her cervix. Her smile dimished and the expression in her face was a dead give away. You could tell she wasn't wanting to speak and she looked over the sheet and touched Nicole's leg. "Nikki, you have dilated 4 centameters, I am sorry."

Sorry? Sorry? What in the hell does she mean she is sorry? I am just standing there watching my daughter break down and tears streaming down with sorrow and all I hear is, "I'm sorry!!!!" I pull myself together, or at least try to and said, "Excuse me Dr. Larson but what are you telling her?" Dr. Larson said, "Nikki is dilating without contractions, she is dilating just from breathing. We can't stop the contractions because there are not any. All we can do is wait."

Wait, wait she says. Wait for another 20 week baby to be born, wait for the water to break, wait for Nicole to have a nervous break down, wait for what damit?"

Thank GOD and his presence I did not show my worries and fear to Nicole. But -- peace came over me; peace, calm and a OK feeling. It was so calming and soothing it was joyous. It was the most moving feeling I had experience in a long time.

Dr. Larson said she was calling Dr. Straight and they would go from there. I walked over, sat on the black rolling stool and slid next to the bed. I cradle her small hand into mine and looked her dead in the eyes. "Nicole, you are OK.... Destiny will arrive and she will be OK. You are not going to have this baby tonight. I know it in my heart. I can't explain this to you, but look in my eyes tadpole, you are not going to have Destiny tonight." I held back the tears and her tears distraught face began to go away and a peace come over her. Again, I reinerated to her, "Tadpole, you have to listen to me, Momma isn't saying this just to calm you down. I am saying this because I am not feeling anything wrong. I feel this in my heart and I feel everything will be OK, please look at me and listen." I gently bent down and kissed her forehead and just sat there and held her hand in silence.

Every once in a while she would look and I would give her a smile and a wink and she would slightly smile back with a response that I was looking for -- reassurance.

Dr. Straight had her place flat on the bed, lower body above the head, and if you knew my daughter, the Lord blessed her with breast. The poor thing was begining to smoother herself. I would giggle every once in a while and joke how they were going to smoother her. She laughed, I laughed and we just tried to keep the laughter in the room like lord would have wanted us too.

Today is Monday, and no baby has been born. Nicole is still lying flat on her back and asking for everything but the moon; And I am getting that for her.

Today Nicole is 20 weeks and 4 days. Pray we can keep her calm and down for another 4 weeks for Destiny's survial. I know Nicole and this would be the straw for her, the straw that drove her to the edge.

I have spent all weekend in room 221 and watched all kinds of movies. I will be spending my lunches there, my evenings and what ever it takes to keep her flat on her back to have a healthy baby.

I will keep anyone who wants to read this posted. But this blog has helped me to let out my feelings and vent my frustrations. I love my daughters and it hurts to watch them go through such an ordeal. I want so much to take this pain away from them.